You know the moment. You’ve landed what looks like the “perfect” role. The title sounds impressive, the company name carries weight, and when you tell people, they nod approvingly. On paper, it ticks every box, but… there is a but.
It’s not dramatic, but there’s a quiet friction, like you’re slightly out of sync with yourself. You wake up, do the work, perform well, but a small voice keeps asking: why doesn’t this feel like mine?
Most people dismiss that voice, assuming it’s normal, or worse, that it’s a sign of ingratitude. After all, this is what success is supposed to look like, right? So, they push forward, optimize, climb but what if the problem isn’t the role?
What if the problem is that the desire behind it was never yours to begin with?
Mimetic Desire Explained
The idea comes from philosopher René Girard, who argued that human desire isn’t as independent as we like to believe. We don’t just want things because they’re inherently valuable to us, we want them because other people want them.
This is called mimetic desire. “Mimetic” meaning imitative.
You see someone you admire, a colleague, a founder, a public figure and subconsciously, you begin to adopt their desires as your own. Their goals start to feel like your goals. Their definition of success becomes your benchmark.
It’s not always obvious. Sometimes it’s as simple as:
- Wanting a job at a prestigious company because people you respect work there.
- Chasing a certain salary because it signals success in your peer group.
- Pursuing a career path that earns admiration, even if it doesn’t energize you.
The tricky part is that mimetic desire feels real. It doesn’t feel borrowed. It feels like you
and in many ways, it is you, just shaped by proximity.
Think of it like standing in a room full of magnets. You might believe you’re moving freely, but your direction is constantly being influenced by invisible forces. The closer you are to certain people or environments, the stronger that pull becomes.
In careers, this creates a subtle but powerful drift. You start with curiosity, but over time, your path bends toward what is visible, rewarded, and socially validated.
Not necessarily what is true for you.
How It Shows Up in Job Searches
Mimetic desire becomes especially intense during a job search because uncertainty makes us more susceptible to external cues.
When you’re not sure what you want, it’s easier to borrow clarity from others.
You might notice patterns like:
- Overvaluing brand names: You gravitate toward companies you’ve heard of, even if the actual work doesn’t excite you.
- Following “hot” roles: Product management, consulting, AI, whatever is trending becomes the default target.
- Optimizing for perception: You choose roles that will “look good” on LinkedIn rather than ones that feel meaningful day-to-day.
- Comparing constantly: You measure your progress against peers, adjusting your goals to keep up.
At first, this seems rational. You’re using available information to make decisions. But over time, it creates a feedback loop.
The more you align your choices with what others value, the more your sense of direction becomes dependent on external validation.
Eventually, you can end up in a role that is objectively great, but authentically hollow.
A classic example: someone pursues a high-paying consulting job because it’s seen as a smart, prestigious move. They succeed, get promoted, and build a strong career trajectory. Five years in, they realize they’ve been optimizing for perception and status, not for the kind of work they enjoy.
The issue isn’t that consulting isn’t wrong, but that the initial desire wasn’t examined.
Once you’re on that path, inertia takes over. The cost of stepping off increases, so you keep going.
First Principles Thinking
To counter mimetic desire, you need a way to strip away borrowed assumptions and get closer to what is genuinely yours.
This is where first principles thinking becomes useful.
Instead of asking, “What should I do next?” you ask more fundamental questions:
- What kind of work energizes me?
- What problems do I find interesting, even when they’re difficult?
- What environment helps me think clearly and do my best work?
- What trade-offs am I willing to accept?
First principles thinking is about breaking decisions down to their basic components and rebuilding them from the ground up.
For example, instead of saying, “I want a job at a top company,” you might unpack why:
- Is it for learning?
- For credibility?
- For compensation?
- For the people you’ll work with?
Once you isolate those underlying drivers, you may realize there are multiple ways to satisfy them, some of which are better aligned with your preferences.
It also forces you to confront trade-offs more honestly.
Every career path involves trade-offs: time, autonomy, stability, creativity, income. Mimetic desire often hides these trade-offs by focusing on the visible rewards. First principles thinking brings them back into view.
A simple exercise:
Write down your ideal career in detail. Then, for each element, ask: “Why do I want this?”
Keep asking “why” until you reach something that feels undeniably personal, not something that depends on other people’s approval.
If your answer eventually becomes “because it feels interesting” or “because I enjoy it,” you’re getting closer to first principles.
If it becomes “because it looks impressive” or “because people will respect me,” you’re likely still in mimetic territory.
Shinto: Returning to Your Environment
There’s a concept in Shinto—the indigenous spirituality of Japan—that offers a different lens on all of this.
Shinto emphasizes harmony with your environment. Instead of imposing a rigid identity or chasing abstract ideals, it encourages attention to the immediate world around you: your surroundings, your relationships, your daily practices.
In a career context, this can be surprisingly grounding.
Rather than asking, “What is the best possible career I could have?” you ask:
“What does my current environment naturally support?”
- What skills have I already developed through experience?
- What kinds of tasks do people consistently rely on me for?
- What opportunities are already within reach, even if they’re not glamorous?
- What kind of work feels intuitive rather than forced?
This approach doesn’t ignore ambition, it roots it in reality.
Think of it like gardening instead of architecture. Instead of designing an ideal structure and trying to force it into existence, you observe the soil, climate, and conditions you’re in, growing something that fits.
Often, the most sustainable and satisfying careers are not the ones that look the most impressive from a distance, but the ones that emerge naturally from your context.
This also reduces the noise of mimetic desire. When you focus on your immediate environment, you’re less influenced by distant signals: prestige, trends, and comparison, and more attuned to what is actually working in your life.
Conclusion – One Filtering Question
You don’t need to eliminate mimetic desire entirely. It’s part of being human. Other people will always influence what you see as possible.
The goal is not to become completely independent of that influence, but to become aware of it.
So, before you commit to your next role, ask yourself one simple question:
“If no one else could see this—no LinkedIn updates, no titles, no external validation—would I still want it?”
It’s a deceptively hard question.
If the answer is yes, you’re likely aligned with something real. If the answer is no, it doesn’t mean the role is wrong, but it does mean your reasons deserve another look.
Because at the end of the day, a career is something you also live inside, not something others observe from the outside.
It’s worth making sure it really feels like yours.